As I was preparing to embark on The World Race, one of my biggest struggles in going was missing the wedding of one of my dearest friends, who is so much more than a friend and sister in Christ to me, at the end of September. I mentioned her in some of my early blogs: Lindsay Stewart, soon to be Lindsay Haldeman. We have planned for years to be at each other's weddings, and I am not one to easily go back on my word. Beyond being apart from this woman of God who is my spiritual twin for such a long period, wrestling with how to both go on the Race and be at her wedding was one of my greatest struggles going into the Race. She and I prayed that God would make a way for both to happen �" for me to both go on the Race and be at her wedding �" but given World Race regulations, that did not look promising. Furthermore, prior to beginning The World Race, I began to wonder if I could last 11 months on the mission field. Due to these circumstances and other hesitations in my heart about going on the Race, I considered switching to a three-month missions trip instead; yet, transferring funds to do so was not an option. So, I decided to move forward with the Race and just see how far I could make it. The first few days of the Race were harder on me than I had anticipated in being separated from those back home. I also had trouble engaging in the community of the Race; however, I didn't want to quit at that point just because I was having difficulty adjusting. I talked to God about what He wanted to accomplish in and through me on the Race then set a goal to make it to Ireland and reassess at that point how things were going.

As time progressed, while there were good days regarding the parts I was struggling with, I felt like overall things were not getting much better. God was growing and challenging me in wonderful ways, and I was beginning to connect more with my teammates, but there was still some disconnect with the community aspect of the Race that I could not explain. Maybe part of it was my heart being at home more than on the Race, which continually and increasingly wore on me. Beyond that, the thought of missing Lindsay's wedding weighed on me increasingly hard. By the time I reached Ireland, I was leaning strongly towards going home at the end of the month. In praying about it, I believed that God was giving me a choice, that it was up to me whether I wanted to stay or not; neither choice would be wrong. Given that my heart had been more at home than on the Race all along, and that I could not see myself missing Lindsay's wedding, I told God that I would prefer to go home. I began voicing my thoughts and considerations to a few of my teammates (not having said anything earlier because I didn't want to make a big deal of something that might just pass over), and the topic of me going home came up at feedback soon after. I talked to my teammates about it, as well as my team leader one-on-one the next day, followed by my squad leaders later in the day. The fact that I had been praying about this for an extended period of time and had been struggling before and throughout the Race was acknowledged. And since my decision was pretty much made as to what I was going to do, in honor and respect of my teammates I was advised to leave sooner rather than later. Therefore, I am leaving tomorrow to return to the States. When my teammates prayed over me yesterday evening, it was as if a cloud of confusion and frustration that had been hanging over me dissipated, and a peace came over me that going home was the right decision. I am thankful for the time and experiences I have had on the Race and plan on continuing the relationships that have begun through this community, which includes being a prayer warrior for my team and squadmates during their remaining time on the Race. (To my team and squadmates reading this, I am sorry that I will not be with you for the remainder of the Race. I want you to know, though, that each of you have a special place in my heart, and I am thankful for the relationships that have begun. I will be praying for and following your journeys via your blogs throughout the remainder of the Race and intend and hope to reunited with you after the Race and continue these relationships for years into the future!) However, my time on the Race is over. While God has grown and taught me a lot over the last few months, I also believe that He will continue to grow and do with me what He wants and wills, and use me, regardless of where I am. I have had a few avenues of ministry in which I have been involved in the past or have had on my heart since graduating college this past May, and God placed a vision on my heart this morning about how to pursue those and other opportunities to which I feel called upon returning home. I want to thank all of you for your support, both financially and through prayer, and pray God's blessings to you for it! Please continue to pray for my team and squadmates, though. The remaining financial support I have in my account at this point will be credited towards AIM's ministry. If you feel led to contribute financially beyond this point, please consider supporting one of my teammates who are not yet fully funded �" either Lili Meija or Rachelle Uribe. It has been a joy and privilege to share with you my journey, and I invite you to check out my teammates' blogs to follow the remainder of their journeys on The World Race. Their blogs are below:

Sydney Sample: sydneysample.theworldrace.org

Emily Moss: emilymoss.theworldrace.org

Logan Kaynes: logankaynes.theworldrace.org

Lili Meija: lilimeija.theworldrace.org

Rachelle Uribe: rachelleuribe.theworldrace.org

Brittany Cox: brittanycox.theworldrace.org

I will also be continuing a blog of my own at <cierralynne.wordpress.com> if you would like to continue to follow my journey with the Lord, what He does in and through me and the truths He reveals to me. Thank you so much once again, and God's blessings to each of you as we all continue to pursue the paths He has for us in growing and expanding His Kingdom!

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. �" Philippians 1:6

This month in Romania has been quite the adventure. Due to a few factors, we had a rather rough start; however, we have seen God redeem and restore virtually every situation and relationship here.

This has also been a month of redemption and restoration for me personally. I had trouble connecting with my teammates last month, but in praying for God to correct my perspectives, He has graciously given me a new perspective on situations in Viile Tecii as well as my relationships with my teammates. We did some prophetic prayer for each other and for Viile Tecii this morning, and the revelations that came from it were so encouraging. The purpose of such prayer is basically to build up and edify the Body of Christ. I've been asking God to reveal to me more about who I am in Him this month, and this prayer time served to confirm a few things that I believe the Lord has been revealing to me. First off, I think He has shown me that I am compassionate, gentle, and sensitive at my core. Today, I was told that I have a heart of deep compassion, which is a gift from the Lord. I also love with a strong love, and that my hugs to children and women will communicate God's love to them more than words can, even that I will be hugging those who have never been hugged before. This about made me cry, because it was a kind of answer to prayer from struggling with the fact that I can't verbally communicate with most of the people we are encountering on the field and wonder how am I supposed to share God's love with them if I can't talk to them. I believe this is my answer. I have also been told multiple times now that I have a powerful voice to be unleashed...and while I am still discovering what this is and means, it resonates with my spirit. As of right now, I believe that means I have been given a powerful voice as an encourager and prayer warrior, which God has been challenging and growing me in this month. Maybe it also means that I am to call forth love, the Lord even, in various situations...I'm not sure but I'm definitely praying about it and excited to see where the Lord takes me and what He does in and through me with it! Finally, we learned a couple of days ago about “spiritual instincts,” or the various ways people connect with the Lord. My teammates and I talked about which one we each most were, and mine is definitely contemplative. That basically means that my time with the Lord is characterized largely by conversing with Him, and a biblical example is Mary, who I identified myself as a biblical character that I am most like while at training camp. Combining that with being a prayer warrior and what I have been learning about the Holy Spirit living inside of believers, and I realized that I am now praying from the depths of my being, a place that only Christ can go, which brings and releases life in myself and others and hits the depth of intimacy with the Lord that I have been craving, that which goes deeper than even an earthly marriage can hit. I am learning my identity as a beloved child, betrothed bride, and place in the Body of Christ and am incredibly excited about learning and growing more in this identity to bring life, healing, hope, and love to the world!

For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophecy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness. �" Romans 12:4-8

Another lesson I have been learning about love is that love not just a feeling, it is a choice, and love by choice is the kind of love that God calls us to. Love by choice goes beyond what a person does or does not do to or for you, what benefit you can gain from having a relationship with a particular person, etc. It is a commitment-based love. I mentioned in a recent blog (“Living Love”) that there are three terms in the Greek for love: agape, phileo, and eros. I believe love by choice falls under the category of agape love. (And providentially, the ministry with which we are working here is called “Gypsy Agape”...kinda cool.) One gypsy village here near Viile Tecii has served as a prime example of God developing this concept in my life and finding blessing through it.

While I have known that I have a gifting for working with kids for years, I became frustrated last month with the inability to verbally communicate with them, and that frustration has carried over into this month. I have also operated by the method of sharing the Gospel via action for years, as I also mentioned in another recent blog (“Rising Up in Ministry”), but having a desire to talk to people about Christ that I have not had before and not being able to do so has also been frustrating. We have limited time with these people and I do not want to just be a “good person” to them but make sure they understand my heart behind what I am doing and why I am here: to spread the saving knowledge of the Gospel of grace through Jesus Christ. One of our first days here, one of our contacts and hosts here took us to a nearby village. The village is largely unreached for Christ, which excites me in regards to ministry. However, the people were suspicious of us due to our foreign presence as Americans in light of the bad relationship between Romanians and gypsies, we were not able to talk to the people there, were unsure of what was being said around us, and while taking a few pictures and playing hand games with a few of the kids was fun, it felt rather pointless to me. A few days ago, though, a couple teammates and I returned to the village with our host contact for the start of a new church in the village. I once again did not feel like going to the village, but I felt like I needed to go because, however frustrating the circumstances may be, going to places like that village is why I came on the Race. I made a choice to go and love those people in the name of Christ. Once we got there, the service was largely in Romanian; therefore, my teammates and I could not understand most of what was being said. We started making faces with some of the kids, though, trying not to be disrespectful but to connect with these youngsters hungry for attention regardless. After the service, while our host contact was talking with a few of the adults, we played with the kids for a few minutes. I played a game of chase and tag with a few of the kids, which was SO much fun in being able to spend time with the kids, laugh with them, AND run! I believe this was God's blessing to me for having made a choice to love, agape-style. If God wills it and circumstances allow, we will go back one more time, and this time I'm truly excited about it, thankful for the opportunity, privilege even, to be a part of bringing life to these people, serving as a vessel as I am called to do, then letting the Holy Spirit “do His thing” and change lives. I love how God has changed my heart and led me to discover that choosing to love truly brings lasting blessing that is greater than anything tangible.

And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” �" Acts 20:35

Ministry for Teams L'Chaim and Lovesick here in Ville Tecci is being taken to the next level. We did not have much planned ministry during our first few days here, but many of us were growing tremendously in our relationships with the Lord. God also has personally grown and challenged me as a prayer warrior and blessed me with opportunities to connect with the children of our host families in the time that we have been here. We have also been challenged to rely more on the Lord than ourselves; now, as we continue to grow in the Lord, we are learning to rise up as leaders and take responsibility for pursuing ministry opportunities rather than just letting them be provided for or given to us. A few days ago, I felt the Lord put it on my heart to try door-to-door evangelism. That clearly has to be a directive from the Lord for me, because anyone who knows me knows that this approach to evangelism has freaked me out for years. My approach has been summed up in a statement made by St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” I still believe strongly in this idea, having several stories to prove its validity and largely having to operate by it when the verbal language barrier is impenetrable. However, I decided to take on the challenge of trying something new and joined a few of my teammates and one of our hosts in walking the streets of the village and visiting with a few of the residents yesterday. This proved to be a blessing experience all around, because we were able to encourage the people that we talked to as well as connecting with and learning some about the community, which was a blessing to us. We also got to see some farm animals, eat some fresh-picked sour green apples, and play with a puppy along the way!

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. �" 1 Corinthians 13:11

We were made for love. Just as a child is born as a product of the love between a man and a woman, so are believers products of the love of the Lord, love Himself, by the work of the Holy Spirit. He made us so that He could love us and we could love Him. And continuing from something the Lord revealed to me a few weeks ago, worship is an intimate way of connecting with the heart of the Lord. Something supernatural happens when we worship in that our spirits are refreshed as we minister to the heart of the Lord; it is a divine exchange of love that brings life. Ministering to the heart of the Lord could seem like a strange concept, but in the sense of being a lover, though He does not need us, He loves us, and it thrills His heart when we commune with Him just as it does the heart of a lover when his beloved spends time with him. In the days of the Old Testament, priests were set aside to “minister to the Lord.” In 1 Samuel 3:1 it says, “Now the boy Samuel ministered to the Lord before Eli.” Ministering to the Lord is in essence worshiping Him, or on a more personal level, loving Him. Psalm 63:3-5 declares, “Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.” On mornings when I wake up “spiritually parched,” spending time in the presence of the Lord, just enjoying His presence and being in a worshipful spirit of praise and thanksgiving, often refreshes and rejuvenates my spirit and puts a smile on my face...and God revealed to me this morning that it puts a smile on His face, too. It's an awesome, beautiful thing to be in a love relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. :)

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) Christ came to earth and lived love to the full; believers are called, created even, to do the same. I believe God is teaching me about and challenging me to engage in all aspects of true love as He intended it, from the most basic, unconditional form of love termed in Greek agape, to the friendship-type loved called phileo, to the most intimate form of love, eros. In doing so, the world may see what it looks like to truly live in love �" abandoned to Him, loving Him, and loving others with all we have and all we are. This is also a distinguishing characteristic of Christ's disciples: “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Furthermore, love is a way to bring life to the world. God commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” He commanded them to bring life to the world through their loving union by producing children to fill the earth. Likewise, believers are commissioned and called to birth life in this world through love, producing new children in the Kingdom by union with the Holy Spirit, who lives in the heart of every believer. This is a more intimate love relationship than even two humans can share; a comparable human love relationship between a man and a woman is only a reflection of that which a believer shares with God. In bringing life to the world through union with His Spirit, both the young and old are brought alive and refreshed by His love. John 3:5-6 states, “Jesus answered, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” It is the role, privilege even, of every believer to bring life to the world through living love.

The first words I got when praying about Romania was “broken of independence,” which enables being free and willing to receive and give love fully. For a long time, I have been a very independent person. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is when it causes you not to ask for help when you need it and even more when it keeps you from relying on the Lord like we were created to do...and God is breaking me of this through my community and the challenges He is presenting me in ministry. I believe He also wants to give me joy, peace, and rest this month • there is a beautiful hill behind one of the houses we are staying in this month (my team and the team we are partnered with this month are divided among three houses here in Ville Tecci), and the hill has already proved to provide an environment of such solace and sweet time with the Lord not only for me but also for all of my team and squadmates who have trekked it. While I prayed this specifically between the Lord and me, I believe being broken of independence also relates to what God is doing in and through my team and squadmates here, which gives evidence to how we grow as a body and that what God does in one person's life relates to and affects the lives of other believers as well. Due to the rather vague, unexpected nature of our ministry thus far, we are learning to rely on God and not ourselves. Last night, we spoke at a church about a half hour away, each sharing a short testimony about how we came to know the Lord and how God called us on the Race. We were also able to pray with and for the people to be healed of various conditions, from addictions to physical ailments. It was awesome to see how God gave us the words to say and worked through us when we relied on him. We also have a good bit of time “free” each day, so we are seeking out what the Lord would have us do with that time, such as prayer over the village and door-to-door evangelism. Being broken of independence is tough and somewhat scary in not knowing what to expect, but it is beautiful in how it leads to a more intimate relationship with the Lord and seeing Him move in ways that we have not witnessed or walked in before!

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” • Galatians 5:13-14

Going into this second month of the Race, I took some time to talk to the Lord about what happened in Ukraine, what ways He moved and how He grew and challenged me, and then seek a vision for the time in Romania. Ukraine was largely characterized by resistance. I was resistant to what God was wanting to do in me and the love my teammates were trying to show me; similarly, many of the Ukrainian people seemed closed off to love. Yet, gentle, persistent pursuit in love brings life and joy. God used me to bring that to a couple of the girls I had the privilege and blessing of encountering in Ukraine, and He has also softened my heart towards the love that both He and my teammates have been trying to show me (I believe He may even be trying to love, heal, and challenge me through my teammates), bringing life and healing to me so that I can live more fully in who He created me to be. I believe this is largely my heart in ministry for the Race �" to see the unloved, forgotten, overlooked, and resistant loved. And in return, I am experiencing I love far greater and deeper than I ever fathomed from every direction �" those back home, those surrounding me here, those to whom God has given me the privilege to serve, and most of all, from Himself. He also gave me the opportunity and courage to take my first steps in being more vocal in evangelism, loving through both action AND word, and thereby stepping into a deeper form of love �" loving others in a way that translates into eternity and experiencing an overwhelmingly beautiful and humbling love in return.

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height �" to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. �" Ephesians 3:14-19

I have discovered that, when you love extravagantly, you are loved extravagantly in return. I must admit, I went into this journey quite fearful. And resistant. I expected to love others in Jesus' name, but I did not expect to experience such love in return. I said at the beginning of the trip that I was expecting the unexpected, and this has definitely been one example of that. My heart has been softened and freed in areas I did not even realize were closed off or hurt. I've been resisting change because I honestly doubted that God would provide for my best interest (which He knows better than me) on this trip...which can be attributed to my pride. So God is breaking me of my pride, but in a gentle way (thankfully). And God has been loving me in new ways, too. I've been struggling to connect with my teammates, but a couple of days ago, I believe God really provided a breakthrough when some misconceptions were shattered in the midst of having a few discussions with some of them. I have lived under pressures to perform for years, placed there by people in my surrounding environment when I was younger, particularly by peers during my grade school years, and then just learned to cope with it as I got older. During college, God blessed me with some friends that helped begin breaking this hold on me, and I began experiencing love simply for who I was rather than what I could do for people. However, breaking the hold isn't enough for God �" He wants me to be completely free. So I am slowly (emphasize SLOWLY) opening myself up to being loved more deeply...and while it is scary because I am risking getting hurt again (we are all human, after all), it truly is beautiful and freeing. Furthermore, over the last couple of days, there have been multiple instances where I usually am not in the best of moods. I know that the Spirit of the Lord has been over me, because I have been perfectly fine in the midst of these situations, thriving even! For example, usually, if I am in any combination (or worst case scenario, all three) tired, cold, or hungry, I am rather unpleasant to be around. I was all three yesterday (walking back from camp in the pouring rain will do that to you), but I was fine (tip: finding even the smallest things to be thankful for when in the midst of challenging circumstances really does help bring “sunshine in the midst of the rain,” no pun intended). And I'm not a night person usually, but despite being tired last night, I was still going strong late in the evening, not on my own strength, I know, and being able to serve (this was after an AMAZING last evening with our friend, Masha, getting coffee and tea, fondu, and bowling to have one last good time together and celebrate her birthday early). And finally, during my quiet time this morning, I told God that I believed I had been sharing the Gospel through action, but that I wanted to be more vocal and intentional about it, sharing in word as well...and after some prayer, God gave me the words to be able to incorporate a small Gospel presentation during the lesson on our last day at camp. Having my mind and heart focused on and set in Him, He has provided for all of my needs. I am praying that this overshadowing by the Spirit will continue through the entire Race. In John 7:38, Christ said, He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, “out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. I believe that I am experiencing that right now, and it is wonderful! Sorry if this post was a little random or scattered (and I know it was long), but I just wanted to share a little bit about what God has been doing in my heart recently: causing waters of life to bubble up from within because His Spirit is within me, bringing refreshing life to both myself and others!

And [pray] for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the Gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. �" Ephesians 6:19-20